Joke Thread

2:57 PM  Tips from Secretaries to Managers: Enhancing the Relationship [just the ones for shorthand on here to condense]

  • When dictating, please parade up and down the room and practice your golf strokes, or better still, walk out of the room. We can understand what is said more distinctly.
  • Please lower your voice to a whisper when dictating names of people and places. Under no circumstances spell them to us. We are sure to hit the right way sooner or later. 
  •  Please dictate a paragraph and change your mind, with the corrected version following, particularly when using dictating equipment. It adds variety to our typing.
  • Hours for dictation: during the lunch hour, or any time after 4:30 p.m.
MSN NicknameDebbiAvon1
View the details of this row. 8/1/2008 10:56 AM 

I’ve just joined the group and am beginning my practice of shorthand again.
When I was first studying shorthand in my twenties, my boss asked me to take notes at a large meeting of the maintenance staff of an airline.  Being the only woman in the room, I very studiously sat during the meeting taking notes but missing a lot of what was being said.  Afterward, I transcribed it or tried to.  I couldn’t read most of it.  One guy even came up to me days later and said “did I really say that?” to which I just calmly nodded.  Sometimes a little learning is a dangerous thing and faking it ’til you make it doesn’t always work.
Presently I’m hoping my shorthand study will progress a little farther than what happened at that meeting…at least I’m hoping so.
MSN Nicknamebyctygrl
View the details of this row. 4/12/2006 2:07 PM 

A monastic convent of nuns were under a disciplinary rule of silence, but they were
permitted to write a few words in their own unique style of shorthand once every five
years. After her first five years a young  novice wrote: “Bed hard!”. Five years later as a
postulant she wrote:”Room cold!” After taking her final vows five years later she wrote,
“Food bad!” Finally five years later she wrote “I quit!” The Mother Superior answered:
“I am not surprised. You have been here twenty years and have done nothing but complain!”
MSN NicknameDocBandstand11
View the details of this row. 1/28/2006 8:19 AM  Did Marc ever tell you about his first day on the job as an administrative assistant? He was eager to make a good first impression, so when a coworker entered Marc picked up the phone and pretended to have a conversation while taking shorthand notes with such speed that smoke almost rose from the page (who would know it was only the pledge of allegience he was writing). The man who entered walked up to Marc’s desk and waited for the conversation to finish. “Good morning, what can I do for you?” asked Marc, pleasantly. Replied the man, “Uh…yeah, I’m here to install your new phone.” MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 1/25/2006 5:24 PM  Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair. MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 1/25/2006 4:55 PM  A secretary goes into her boss’ office and asks, “May I use your dictaphone?” “No!” He replies, embarrased, “use your finger like everyone else.” MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 1/25/2006 4:49 PM 

There once went a bloke to Japan.
The kanji was harder than planned.
Each time he did write
It caused such a fright
That he finally took up shorthand.
MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 1/25/2006 4:48 PM  An ambitious college student once professed of his aspiring to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great,” he said: “I want to write things that’ll make people react on a truly deep, emotional level! Things that’ll make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!!”
He now writes shorthand!!
(Adapted from a Micro$oft error message joke : )
MSN Nicknamepsetus
View the details of this row. 1/25/2006 4:48 PM 

In highschool, my sister was obsessed with suntanning.  Everyday during summer vacation, she would pester me for a ride to the beach so shecould soak in the rays, instead of taking advantage of the sunny one acre property we lived on.  Annoyed, I protested one day that there was no difference between sunning at the seashore and sunning in the backyard, to which she replied, “shore-tanned is definately faster!”
MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 5/27/2005 3:48 PM 

Interviewer:  Tell me, are you left or right handed?
Applicant:  Let’s just say I’m shorthanded.  : p
MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 3/11/2005 3:24 AM  Great Racers Eventually Go Gregg MSN NicknameJohnSapp
View the details of this row. 8/9/2004 2:49 AM 

When you come across every single person that asks “What the heck is that?!?” you can impress them by saying “It’s the book Anne Of Green Gables written in shorthand!”
Then every stenographer you meet will be like “Wow! That’s so cool!”
And every Anne with an E fan you meet will be like “WOW! That’s SO cool!”
And if I met a stenographer that was pretty who was reading Anne Of Green Gables in shorthand and was an artsy, bookloving, kindred spirit, I’d ask her to marry me!! So really the point of Gregg Shorthand is to use it as a courting tool!!